11 Ways to Become More Attractive (Using Psychology)

Here are the key points from the video:

• The importance of the "uniform effect" in simplifying fashion choices.
• How to curate a science-based beauty routine for better results.
• Movement as a means to enhance confidence and energy.
• The significance of mastering personal boundaries in relationships.
• Techniques for engaging in meaningful conversations to build connections.

This was me two years ago. Insec securing my own skin, following trends, spending thousands of pounds on cosmetic procedures, makeup, beauty products, all in the hope that it would make me look and feel better. Shock. Nothing worked.

Fast forward two years later. I look and feel the most confident and attractive I ever have in my entire life. I'm spending a fraction of the money and I'm able to look my best most of the time, despite working more than I ever have done in my entire life.

These are the 11 habits that have allowed me to do so. Timestamped for your convenience. If you would like to skip section one, we're going to cover the physical habits to look and feel effortlessly polished even when you've worked a 12 hour shift. Section two, the confidence code, how to unlock your inner power. And section three, the social habits that are going to enable you to become magnetic.

So let's start off with habit number one, the uniform effect. And we need to have a quick chat about what I feel is the main factor holding many women back in 2024. I reckon you are making about 10 more decisions than a man before you have even left your front door every single day. What to wear, how to do your hair, which makeup and beauty products you're gonna use. Not only do you constantly feel drained by all these decisions, but you also feel like you're stuck in a loop of choices about your external appearance, hoping that the next choice will be the one that finally makes you feel like you.

I used to waste so much time searching for that perfect look that would make me feel like a million pounds, only to feel less confident in the process. And then I would find a look that made me feel and look really good. But I would feel this pressure from being a woman to then have to try and reinvent the wheel every single day because God forbid you wear the same thing twice.

Then I discovered the uniform effect. And before I let you in on what the uniform effect is, let's talk about the science. Decision fatigue is where we use up so much brain power making choices that our brain starts to give up and tire out. Studies on decision fatigue show us that the more choices we make throughout the day, the less effective our decisions become.

This is why highly successful people like Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg decided to wear the exact same thing every single day. It minimized their mental strain and allowed them to focus on bigger, more important decisions. Am I suggesting that you get yourself into your nearest clothes shop and pick up seven identical tops and trousers? No, but what I am suggesting is the following step.

Step number one, you're going to reflect on items of clothing that you wear that make you feel and look incredible. If you cannot think of anything, you're going to make yourself a Pinterest board and find some images, styles and looks that are appealing to you.

Next you're going to define three core outfits. One for work, one for social and one for casual days. So for me personally, core look one, this is what I wear if I'm filming or chilling AKA this Tala T shirt. I basically have it in five different colors and black wide leg trousers or flares. Core look number two is my work outfit. This is normally a quarter zip with this white T shirt that I got from Uniqlo that is super good quality and fits really nicely with some wide leg trousers, half socks and my loafers.

And finally, core look number three, this is social and at the moment, because it is autumn, I've got this cute little black mini skirt that I tend to wear with thermal tights and then tights on top, a black turtleneck that I have, black boots, my pier and maybe a colorful scarf.

Next you're going to streamline your accessories. I basically always wear the same pair of gold earrings and my aura ring. You're also going to keep your makeup and hair routine super simple. Find a hairstyle you love and a minimal makeup routine cut down on time.

My hair on day one is always in a Dyson Airwrap bouncy blowout and then a claw grip. For days two and three, I always do the exact same makeup routine unless I'm filming or going out. When I just add eyeliner and voila the results, you will look polished and confident in a style that is personalized and unique to you, not based off following trends.

And before anyone tries to suggest that this is boring or basic, I have much more exciting things to be doing with my time than trying to look good every single day. But not only does this formula streamline my life, I look better.

Habit number two: Please, for the love of God, curate your beauty routine around science-based products. I want you to picture your bathroom counter right now. How many products are clustered on it, ones you bought impulsively but never use? The products you thought were going to be the solution but ended up collecting dust.

I was the queen of skin and hair care trends. If I saw it on TikTok, it was going in my basket. But half of these products not only did not work for me, but there was no scientific research that these products were going to work for anyone. When I finally realized this and educated myself on the basics, I realized that buying fewer science-based products could have a much bigger impact on how I looked.

Three years ago I discovered the Skin in Me Daily Doser and every single day since then it has been making my skin look clearer and brighter. What I love about the Skin in Me Daily Doser is how personalized it is. You actually go through a consultation where their dermatology team reviews everything about your skin and they design a treatment for you.

I'm talking serious gold standard ingredients, not just trendy buzzwords. With Skin in Me, I know I'm getting exactly what my skin needs. Whether it's texture, pigmentation or just keeping my skin balanced and healthy, it's all tailored towards my goals and they even have experts on hand for ongoing support. So if my skin changes, my plan does too. The best part about Skin in Me is it is designed for me.

I don't have to guess what's best for my skin or spend hours and hours doing research. I just get to enjoy the results. And Skin in Me makes it ridiculously easy. My daily doser arrives at my door every month so I never have to worry about running out. If you're serious about UPPing your skincare game, you should definitely try out Skin in Me. You can use my code fasekin to get your first daily Doser for £4.99 instead of £24.99. And trust me, when you see the results, you're gonna be hooked too.

But of course, even if you have a daily doser to cement your evidence-based skincare routine, what about your hair and makeup? Here are three actionable steps to ensure that my entire beauty routine is evidence-based.

Number one, you're gonna make sure you do your research before buying anything. Look up the ingredients and check that they're backed by studies. And if you see something on social media, you're going to validate it against at least three reliable sources.

Number two, you're going to stick to the essentials. Please don't try and unnecessarily overcomplicate things. For my skin, for example, I literally just stick to a cleanser, a moisturizer and a skincare treatment based on my personal skincare goals, aka the Skin in Me Daily Doser. And of course an SPF.

Number three, you're going to avoid impulse buys by waiting at least 24 hours before making a purchase.

Habit number three: this is movement for glow, not goals. Girls who have exercised before because they hate their bodies, I'm looking at you. Do you ever look in the mirror and feel like your face is a bit puffier or your posture is awful? You might be missing one powerful habit that impacts both your appearance and your energy: moving your body.

When I had a very disordered relationship with food and my body, I always just saw exercise as a means of staying in shape and it took me way too long to realize that it's so much more than that. When I consistently exercise, I notice my face looks more defined, my posture improves, I have way more energy and I just carry myself differently because I have more confidence in my body.

But what's the science? Physical exercise improves lymphatic drainage which can reduce puffiness. People pay a lot of money to get lymphatic drainage when you could just go for a walk. Exercise also improves posture and releases mood-boosting endorphins which can improve your self-confidence and make you appear more vibrant.

So actionable steps. You are going to start incorporating movement into your daily routine. Even just going for a short walk, you can make a huge difference. You're going to focus on your posture, add exercises that strengthen your core like Pilates or yoga, and finally notice the glow. Pay attention to how your face and energy levels change with regular movement.

Habit number four: I know I already said that habit number one was my favorite, but I think this is actually my favorite. Low maintenance, high maintenance grooming. You definitely know someone who seems to swan into your office or lectures always looking effortlessly polished whilst you've barely had any time to have breakfast.

I used to think that looking put together meant waking up at 5 am to spend hours on my hair and makeup. I definitely do not have time to be doing a bouncy blowout before a 12 hour shift, but I have discovered subtle ways to enhance my natural features that cut my routine in half.

I know you already know that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but the human brain doesn't. Being well-groomed can not only impact how attractive and confident we feel, but it also impacts how we are treated. So we want to be looking at our best whenever possible, but these action steps make it possible more of the time.

Number one, you're going to opt for semi-permanent makeup. I spoke about this on my stories a couple of days ago. If you do not follow me there, then make sure you change that because I often ask for video suggestions and I try and answer lots of questions from my messages on my stories.

But I digress. I spoke about getting lip blush in September as probably one of the best decisions I've made all of 2024. I have got nothing on my lips right now apart from Vaseline. So every single morning I wake up, I do not have to put anything on my face and I look like I'm wearing lipstick.

I'm gonna put a picture on screen now of what my lips look like now without any makeup on versus what they did before. It's incredible. I will put the girl who did mine on screen now as well. If anyone wanted to go to her, she's phenomenal. She's also gonna do my brows over Christmas and I'm so excited.

But for the time being, I tint my eyebrows myself, which cuts out a huge chunk of my beauty routine as well. And you can also opt for eyelash tinting or LVL to give you a naturally enhanced look every morning with zero effort.

Number two, you're going to invest in skincare over makeup using good skincare products like the Skin in Me Daily Doser means honestly, now I feel even more confident in my own skin than if I was to wear foundation.

Finally, you're gonna opt for low maintenance hair care. I get a T section of highlights every few months to keep my color fresh and with minimal upkeep, which is worlds apart from me a couple of years ago when I was bleaching my hair blonde.

And literally within two weeks, you could see my dark roots coming through. So every six weeks, I had to sit in a hair salon chair for about six hours getting my hair done. I do not have time for that.

Moving on to section two. And I just want to formally apologize to any of you who have already watched a video on how to become more attractive that did not include anything that was not a physical change that you can make to yourself. I'm sorry.

We have all met people who are visually blessed by gods, but their energy is repulsive. Which is of course, why two of the sections in this video have absolutely nothing to do with how you look.

So section two, we need to talk about the confidence code. Unlocking your inner power. I want you to think about someone who you've watched do a presentation or walk into a room with unshakable confidence, and you have thought, I could never do that. They weren't born with that ability. They built it.

Confidence isn't magic. So please get that out your head right away. It's momentum. Confidence is like a snowball. It starts off small, but as you roll it forward with small, consistent actions, it builds into something unstoppable.

People often think that you need confidence before you try new things, but it's completely the other way around. Taking action creates the confidence that you're seeking. Research shows that improving competence in any skill increases confidence, which causes a reinforcing loop.

And stop thinking that confidence can only be linked to grand gestures like having a TED Talk. You can grow your confidence from actions as simple as speaking up in a meeting to show yourself that you do have a voice or mastering a hobby to show yourself that you are capable of learning new things.

So of course I have three actionable steps that you can implement into your own life to start off the competence-confidence cycle.

Number one, you're going to start small. Choose a task or situation that challenges you, like speaking up in a team meeting or introducing yourself at a networking event.

Number two, you're going to track your wins. I just have a note on my phone where I keep track of all my small successes and I look at it anytime I have any self-doubt to remind myself how far I've come. Because progress, my friends, fuels momentum.

Number three, you're gonna actively seek feedback. I know it can hurt like a bitch when someone tells you that maybe you're not doing things as well as you want to be doing them. But you know what's worse? Ignorance.

I kind of hate the advice about impostor syndrome that centers all around positive self-talk. When actually, I think the best way to combat imposter syndrome is not only getting good at receiving positive feedback but also being able to receive negative feedback as well.

So we're able to objectively assess our abilities much more accurately and learn to trust our brain again. And remember to treat confidence like any other muscle. You wouldn't expect to lift heavy weights in the gym without any practice. So don't expect your confidence to arrive overnight just like that.

Habit number six, we're gonna tap into our Sasha Fierce and channel our inner alter ego. Imagine this: you'll stand stepping into a high-stakes situation. Your palms are sweating, your heart is racing. You wish that in that moment you could tap into a fearless version of yourself that handles everything effortlessly.

Confidence isn't about creating a mask and becoming someone completely different. It's about unlocking that inner version of yourself that is bolder, more decisive, but is already inherently inside of you. Think of it like a confidence costume that you can put on when you need to.

By visualizing and stepping into this persona, you bypass the doubts that are holding you back. The alter ego effect is a concept that was popularized by Todd Herman, a performance coach. Athletes, actors, and business leaders often create alter egos to channel confidence under pressure.

But what are the actionable steps, I hear you ask? Number one, you're going to design your alter ego. You need to give them a name, traits, and even a signature move like standing tall or taking a deep breath.

Number two, you're going to anchor with cues. Wear something that connects you with this persona, maybe a piece of jewelry, a jacket or even a song. So the moment you see it, you hear it, or you put it on, you are able to snap into that persona immediately.

Finally, you're going to visualize success. Anytime you enter a situation that is causing you anxiety, you're going to imagine how your alter ego will tackle it and borrow their courage until it becomes your own. Beyonce famously created Sasha Fierce to overcome stage fright. So if it's good enough for Beyonce, it is good enough for you and me.

Habit number seven: What if I told you that the secret to being more confident could relate to how you stand and the way you move? Confidence is not just in your mind. It's in your body. We need to learn how to embody confidence through our body language. Your body is a powerful tool for shaping not only how you feel, but how others perceive you.

The way you carry yourself sends subconscious signals to your brain as well as to the people that are around you. And if that all sounds very confusing, then I'm going to let you in on a secret. You can hijack your body language to build inner confidence.

Actionable step number one: You're going to learn how to master the power pose. So you may have seen this one on Grey's Anatomy. The research on this, I'm going to be honest, is a little bit sketchy, but personally, I find it helps me, so I thought it was worth mentioning.

Before you enter into a situation that scares you, try and spend two minutes with your hands on your hips and your arms wide. Being completely honest, I normally lock myself in a bathroom for this. However, if you have the confidence to do it in a room full of people, even better.

But of course, this should not end the moment you unlock yourself from the bathroom door. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Actionable step number two: You want to adopt open postures in everyday interactions. Shoulders back, making eye contact and avoiding crossing your arms. You'll immediately appear more comfortable and approachable.

Actionable step number three: This is for all the ladies listening. You're going to want to take up space. As women, we can be so guilty of trying to make ourselves as small as possible, but please get comfortable in existing and understanding that you deserve to take up space just as much as anybody else, whether you're sitting, standing or speaking. Claim that space without hesitation.

Body language isn't just about looking confident; it's about feeling confident as well. And even if you have to fake it to begin with, it can have real psychological effects.

Before we move on to the next section, I think it's really important to highlight a huge perspective shift I think we all have to have when it comes to confidence. That confidence isn't about being fearless. It's about acting despite fear. Even the most confident people in the world experience self-doubt. And if we recognize this and normalize it, we can better learn tactics that can help us manage this fear.

Section 3 is all about becoming magnetic. So there are social habits that are going to make you undeniably attractive to anyone who comes into contact with you.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has absolutely no idea who you are, even though you know who they are? Or when it's glaringly obvious that someone cannot remember your name? How did that make you feel? Small. Insignificant? Unimportant?

So habit number eight is all about the name game. I'm gonna hold my hands up. I am the worst at remembering people's names. It honestly was nothing personal, but it took me a long time to realize remembering someone's name is literally the easiest way to connect with someone and make someone feel important.

Using someone's name shows that you see them as an individual and not just someone you once met. It's such a simple thing that is often overlooked, but makes someone feel recognized and valued. And the science is clear. Hearing your name activates the pleasure centers in your brain.

Research suggests that using someone's name creates a personal and stronger connection. But as I said, I have been awful at remembering people's names in the past. So what has really helped me is when someone says their name, I try and repeat it almost immediately afterwards and then try and work it into the conversation at least three times after that to reinforce the neural connections in my brain, minimizing the risk of me forgetting it two seconds later.

Another tip is I try and create an association with someone's name and them. For example, if someone's name is Greta and they are wearing green, I will remember that in my head as green Greta or Greta in green. The sillier the better because it makes it more memorable.

Habit number nine: I want you to think about the last genuine compliment that you received. Maybe it was for your work, a special talent, your outfit, or how passionate you were about something and how did that make you feel? Did you have that warm fuzzy feeling in your tummy for the rest of the day? Did it feel kind of amazing like you could conquer everything?

Even on my worst days, when someone says something even remotely nice to me, it can really help me get over a hill and conquer so many challenges that I may be facing. You remember how people make you feel. Not their titles, not what grade they got on an exam, and absolutely not whether they did the Duke Edinburgh Gold Award.

The easiest way to be more attractive is to make someone feel good about themselves. However, that does not mean that we're going to go around giving compliments to people that we do not mean.

In my five years on social media, I have been to many an influencer event and I don't want to talk down about content creators because I have met some of the most passionate people in my life at these events. But I'm gonna be honest, I have also met the shallowest.

There was one event that I really distinctly remember, very, very, very early on, I think I had maybe 1,000 subscribers on YouTube. I was very much a small, small, small, small fish. And someone asked me how many followers I had before they asked me my name.

And at these events where I felt like people may have been a little bit more shallow than the general population, I encountered a lot of moments. Like, you know the scene in Mean Girls where she says, "I love your bracelet. Where did you get it?" Where people were only saying nice things because they felt like they had to.

As humans, we underestimate how easy fakeness is to clock. And it's so obvious when other people are being fake. It's also obvious when we are. So please, for the love of God, give compliments that you mean.

And there's something really, really healing about every single person you meet finding at least five things you admire in that person. Because giving compliments to others can reduce self-criticism by training our brains to see the positives.

When you stop judging others, you stop judging yourself. When you start noticing the positives in other people, you remember to notice the positives in yourself, which builds your self-security and internal validation, ultimately making you even more attractive.

So the next time that you meet someone, I want you to pick out at least five things that you admire about them. Try and be as specific as possible so that person feels seen as a unique individual with unique opinions, passions or recommendations. And be sincere. Only say something you truly mean.

And if you think of five things, you do not need to say all of them to that person. That may make them feel a little bit uncomfortable or may make you look like a bit of a kiss ass. But if appropriate and it flows into the conversation nicely, try and taper in maybe one or two.

Habit number ten: We need to talk about mastering boundaries. But Fay, how will mastering boundaries make me more attractive? Surely by saying no to that is gonna push them away. Let me explain.

Have you ever felt like you're giving 110% to a relationship and you're getting absolutely nothing back? Or you've been in a friendship group where you feel like you're the best, most supportive friend when anyone else has an issue. But as soon as you have an issue, no one is there to help you? Or in work, maybe you feel like you're taking on all these extra responsibilities but for no recognition.

It is time to set some boundaries. Setting personal boundaries has completely changed my life. I went from being walked over in friendships to being respected and valued.

You may think that being easy-going and going above and beyond is making you more likable and more attractive. But it is doing the complete opposite. And to understand why it is sabotaging your attractiveness, we need to understand value exchange.

Boundaries are essential for all human relationships. When we set a boundary, we establish a value exchange. This keeps relationships balanced and fulfilled. Value exchange is the written or unwritten contract that exists between all human relationships. This might be parents and a child. Parents are supposed to nurture and raise a child. And the child fulfills their desire to pass on their genetic material or friends. Friends are supposed to support one another.

Or a boss and employee. A boss pays an employee a salary and the employee carries out a job. And the value is unique to everyone. For example, you could be on the Forbes 30 under 30. You could be the CEO of Google. You could be the richest person on the planet. But I still would not value you any more than my mother.

I and we set our own price in value exchange by setting boundaries. If you go above and beyond for a friend who is never there for you, you lower your value. In the value exchange, you are saying that that person's friendship is worth more than your friendship.

So you are overcompensating by being more supportive to them. In a relationship, if you are constantly the person finding time to make plans, you are lowering your value by saying my time is worth less than yours. In your job, if you are constantly staying late and taking on extra responsibilities for no extra pay, you are saying I am worth less than my colleague who is not taking on all these extra responsibilities.

So to take action, this habit is so simple but can be extremely hard for the people-pleasers amongst us. Practice saying no. Evaluate the value exchange that is occurring in all your relationships. I don't believe that relationships should be a scorecard where we are constantly keeping track of everything we do for someone else.

I truly believe in a huge part of human fulfillment in our life coming from random acts of kindness and giving of ourselves. But please, for the love of God, keep an eye out for the patterns that appear in relationships where you feel you are constantly being put to the bottom of someone's priorities. If you consistently feel as though the value exchange is off, reestablish boundaries.

And if saying no is absolutely terrifying to you, practice with smaller "no"s and work up to bigger ones.

Finally, habit number eleven, probably the most important habit for becoming more attractive and that is mastering the art of conversation. Have you ever walked away from a conversation and just felt like it didn't quite land? Maybe you felt like the other person was just agreeing with you to be polite, but it just felt a little bit superficial?

Or maybe on the other end of the spectrum they just kept arguing with everything you said and it just felt exhausting. Here's the secret. Great conversations don't just happen, they're crafted. And when you master the arts of meaningful conversation, that's when you become truly magnetic.

I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I used to be really guilty of being quite dominating in conversations and I would rush to fill every single silence because it filled me with so much anxiety. But that would just result in the other party in the conversation becoming more disengaged, which then resulted in me moving to the other end of the scale where I would completely withdraw because I didn't want to come across as too loud or opinionated.

What has really helped me is focusing on three key elements. Number one, pause to truly listen to what someone else has said, not just thinking about how you're going to respond in your head.

Number two, when I share my opinions, I try to present them in a much more balanced way.

And number three, I always aim to find connection with people, even if we fundamentally disagree on something. When I focused on these things, everything completely changed. I found people opened up more and I was able to make much deeper and meaningful connections.

I left the conversations feeling energized rather than drained and social situations became something that I looked forward to rather than dreaded.

Research and communication psychology shows that the most compelling conversations are balanced between listening, thoughtful sharing, and mutual curiosity. So here are the actionable steps you're gonna take forward to completely revolutionize your conversations.

Number one, you're going to pause with purpose. When I'm having a conversation with someone, I literally have to count in my head 1 elephant, 2 elephant, 3 elephant after they've finished speaking to stop myself from rushing in to respond.

This forces me to process actually what they've said and makes the other person feel listened to. I also had to learn to get comfortable with silence. Previously it filled me with so much anxiety and dread and although it was extremely uncomfortable at first, being comfortable in silence and stillness not only communicates attentiveness, but it is the utmost sign of confidence.

Number two, learn common ground in a world that has become so unbelievably polarizing. Instead of focusing on differences and dominating with your perspective, aim to explore shared interests or experiences. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to dive deeper.

Number three, balance your storytelling. Avoid making a conversation a monologue where you just share your experiences. But don't shy away from sharing your experiences either. Remember that stories are the springboard for further conversation, but not the main event.

Finally, get comfortable with leading with passion. Share your own interests unapologetically, but make room for theirs too. Enthusiasm is magnetic, but especially when it is paired with curiosity for what the other person has to say on something.

So now you know how to become more attractive physically, more confident, and more socially magnetic. If you want to learn how to develop a health and fitness routine that works around a busy schedule, you may enjoy this video that I will link here or this video below which has been specifically recommended just for you based on what you're interested in.

And don't forget to take a look at Skin in Me and use my code fasekin to get your first daily Doser for £4.99 and then £24.99 ongoing. I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful week and I will see you in the next video.