10 Requirements To Quit Porn | Porn Reboot - JK Emezi

• J.K. Mazie introduces the four requirements of a successful porn reboot.
• Rebooting involves resetting various aspects of life affected by out-of-control sexual behavior.
• Importance of values, boundaries, awareness, accountability, self-discipline, patience, open-mindedness, truth, love, and stoicism.
• Emphasis on community support and ongoing personal development for lasting change.
• Encouragement to engage with the content and explore additional resources offered.

Hey brothers, how's it going? J.K. Mazie here.
I'm the head coach and founder of the porn reboot system.
Now, if you enjoy watching these videos, if you find them helpful to your reboot and to your life, please support the channel by liking this video and subscribing and also clicking on that little bell icon so that you can receive notifications each time I release a video.
And I release a video four times a week, every single week.

Now on to the topic of today.
Today I'm going to be talking about the four requirements of your porn reboot.
Now, when I talk about rebooting in this context, I'm not just speaking about rewiring your brain and controlling your out-of-control behavior.
That's one thing.
I'm talking about rebooting, hitting the reset button on the different aspects of your life which were negatively impacted by your out-of-control sexual behavior.

I'ACTUALLY put this list together probably about three to four weeks ago while I was at a retreat.
And the reason I put it together was because I often have a lot of men, even men who are making progress in their reboots, asking me, hey JK, what is it like to actually be rebooting?
What is it like to be at a later stage of your reboot?
What are some of the changes that you experience?

Instead of talking about the sexy stuff, like being more attractive to women, you know, the no f*** super power bullshit, I'm going to talk about some very realistic things, things that I have experienced in my life which I was required to go through or I could change that aspect of my life.
Things that I learned from mentors of mine, current and past when I was rebooting, as well as things that I have seen in my clients who have successfully rebooted.

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The first requirement is you need to have values and standards.
This is very important because your out-of-control behavior has eroded your values and standards.
I know you might be sitting there or standing there or sitting in your car, wherever you are, watching this video, going, well, JK, I have values and standards, but have you written them down?
Do you know what you're willing to sacrifice for them?
What are you willing to give up?
So values and standards are very important, not just for changing certain aspects of your life, but actually for getting through life.

The thing is that when you experience very strong urges in the past, these values and standards would often change, right.
They would change according to the circumstance.
They would change because of instant gratification, because of that thing you needed from pornography or some other behavior.
So a requirement to fully reboot is to have very strong values and standards.

The second requirement is having strong boundaries.
But not just having strong boundaries, it also involves being willing to sacrifice.
What does this mean?
It means, I'll use an example.
Let's say you are an individual who often slips and relapses when he smokes weed or when he drinks alcohol.
There's a very real possibility that you may have to give up marijuana, you may have to give up alcohol in order to reboot, or you may have to start using it in moderation.

If you are holding on to this strongly, but you fix every other aspect of your life, it's going to be very challenging to reboot.
So that is an important requirement, not just the boundary.
And the boundary could also be with people, not just substances.
It could be with the Internet, it could be with other dopamine-inducing activities.
But if you're not willing to sacrifice, then rebooting is going to be quite challenging for you.
That's why I categorize this as a requirement.

The third is awareness.
And not just self-awareness, which is important.
Self-awareness is introspection.
Being aware of your being, aware of your unresolved issues, aware of your emotions, but also intellectual awareness.
Being aware and understanding of how your biochemistry is impacted by your out-of-control behavior.

Understanding the different neurochemicals that are involved in this.
Having a basic understanding of psychology, of things like trauma, unresolved issues, abandonment, neglect.
I'm not implying that you should become a psychology student, but a general awareness of not just what's happening with your emotions and feelings, but understanding the science of this behavior, it just makes everything smoother.

It makes things easier to deal with when you have different ways of viewing it.
So for example, simultaneously understanding that your feelings and emotions are not just things that you feel on a surface level, but they are actually neurochemical reactions, that makes it so much easier for you to actually become aware of the feeling and handle it.
So awareness is another requirement.

Accountability is another requirement.
Not just accountability to others, but also accountability to yourself.
There are a lot of men who say the reason that I slip and relapse is because I have no accountability and I need accountability partners.
Just don't lose sight of the fact that eventually, you have to be accountable to yourself.

I don't need another man in my life at this point in my life to tell me that, hey man, I'm about to jerk off.
I'm a grown-ass man.
You're a grown-ass man too, but you need help.
I needed help at a certain point.
But remember, at the end of the day, the ultimate goal is to be accountable to ourselves.

The next one is self-discipline.
And self-discipline, the way I define it, is basically having the ability to restrain and repress that instinct to be impulsive in favor of doing things which are beneficial to you in the long term.
And when you start rebooting, you're going to quite naturally feel that you don't have any self-discipline.
And that's quite natural.
Your prefrontal cortex has been negatively impacted by your behavior with pornography.

But over time, you are going to have to develop self-discipline.
Don't be afraid of it, but believe that you can.
Don't worry, as your brain rewires, you will get to that point.
You're going to experience it once you rewire, but it's going to be necessary to reboot multiple areas of your life.

The next is patience.
Now patience is very important because we live in a world of instant gratification.
When you felt a strong urge, in seconds you could be on a site masturbating.
When you're looking for a solution, you're going to fall for the things that say, hey, you know, you're going to end your behavior and rewire your brain in 90 days.

Well, we tell you that we can teach you how to control your behavior in 90 days, but it takes a year and a half to two years to actually rewire your brain.
But we like to fall for the quick fix things.

So one of the things we've had to do at porn reboot is, and I would say this is a fortunate thing, is that we've had to put together a system where men see results in 90 days.
The results are not you rewiring your brain.
The results are that you learn how to control your behavior within 90 days.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of other people out there who make it seem like you can completely end this behavior in 90 days.
You can change some habits in 90 days, but you definitely cannot change certain aspects of your lifestyle or your entire self-image as a recovering porn addict within a 90-day period.

It takes a while.
So you must have patience when it comes to changing.
Sometimes you might find yourself slipping or relapsing after a couple of months and it feels like you made such a rookie mistake, like, how could I have done something like this?
How could I have done something?

It means that I didn't learn anything.
I guess I just got to start from the beginning.
No, be patient.
The rewiring process is still taking place.
And sometimes you're going to fall.
It's going to feel like it's a horrible thing, but you're going to regain perspective, especially if you're in the right community and you have the right accountability partners.

The next is open-mindedness.
An open-mindedness simply means letting go of some of your preconceived notions about what recovery should be.
So maybe you come in with some beliefs like, hey, I got to take this one day at a time.
A slip means I've got to start from the beginning.
You know, I got the streaks.
I'm going to be a recovering addict forever.

You want to have an open mind.
There is no one path to recovery.
We are one of many paths.
But we also realized that as an individual goes through their reboot, they're going to be exposed to other things outside of the porn reboot system.
So be open-minded.
Anything could happen.
And there are so many things that could help you.

Also, when it comes to things like your relationship or certain things that you assume might never end.
When it comes to rebooting, be very careful.
Be open-minded.
For instance, some men come to us when they have been prompted by their partner to do so.

So your partner says, hey, if you don't take care of this behavior, I'm going to leave you.
And so you believe that if you control your out-of-control behavior, it's going to save your marriage.
We'll be the first to tell you that we cannot guarantee that this will save your marriage.
Actually, nothing can.
Right?

All you and your partner can do is your best.
But you also have to be open-minded and accept the possibility that the relationship that you hold on to so dearly, you might have already done all the damage that's been possible and that this might just be putting band-aids on something that's a seriously bleeding wound.
That's a fatal wound, right?

I know it's not the most comforting thing to hear, but it is the reality of being open-minded.
And I want men to have this in their head as they begin this journey.

The next few are very simple just to round it off.
The next one is truth.
Now, it's simple to talk about, but as you know, I always say, porn addicts are liars.
Right?
This behavior involves shame and guilt and that causes us to lie.
And so many of us have been hiding the truth for a very long time.

Even after you've controlled your behavior, it's possible that for months or years after that, you're still going to have to practice building up the truth.
You're going to need the truth, not just externally with others, but most importantly, you're going to need to see and understand the truth within yourself in order for you to reboot.

If there are any limiting beliefs, any cognitive dissonance, any thinking errors, any lies you've been telling yourself to protect yourself from a certain emotion, all those things must come into the light of truth in order for you to fully reboot.

The next one is love.
And this is probably a topic that deserves its own video.
But when you view pornography, there is no love there, right?
There is no intimacy.
In fact, what it does is that it kills any love you have for your fellow human beings.

Because how can you watch violent pornography?
How can you watch people being hurt?
And then you go tuck your kid into bed and you go tell your partner that you love them?
And you guys already know the crazy stuff that's out there.
You watch it and you go like, well, what kind of human being am I?
Excuse me.

So how do you tap into that primal part of yourself, whether it’s love?
How can you do that on such a regular and compulsive way and still expect to be a civilized human being who's capable of things like love?
It's something that needs to be worked on, and it's easier worked on when you come out of isolation, when you speak to people, when you reach out to a community, a community of people where love is already present.

Our reboot groups are like this.
These are places where you come in and you actually feel and experience love.
You see it being exchanged between accountability partners.
You're like, holy crap.
These guys actually care for each other.
They give a shit.

When you're around that environment, you cannot help but slowly to have love which is already within you, start showing.

The final requirement is being stoic or equanimous.
And this simply means that as you go through your reboot, all kinds of things are going to happen.
There are going to be ups and downs.
And right now, at this point in your life, as you begin this journey, you're very reactive to different things, right?

So you have a rough day, somebody feels insulted by someone, you get stressed out, you get angry about something that happens in the past, you slip, you're frustrated, you lose money, you get bad news, and immediately you start tumbling.
You just start gathering speed in your anger and your strong emotions, and it can go on for days and days.

I used to be like that, where I'd be upset about something for days.
But over time, I realized that in order for me to reboot permanently and deal with other areas of my life that had been seriously affected by this behavior, I needed to learn the ability of being stoic and equanimous to all the different emotions.

So different things would happen.
And what I would do is I would just observe it.
I understood, and I've said this before in previous videos, that my emotions had nothing to do with my obligations.
All kinds of things could happen to me.

But you want to develop a calm within you with which you face everything.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm some kind of enlightened being, and neither do you have to be that kind of being.
I'm very much human and sometimes I lose my shit and you will too.
But just understand that this is a journey.

All these requirements, things, again, I want to make it clear, gentlemen, these are things that have to be developed for you to reboot the different aspects of your life that have been negatively impacted by your behavior with pornography.
You do not need all of them in order for you to rewire your brain.

You can still rewire your brain, but understand that if you do not reboot these different aspects of your life, you will still always be at risk of falling back to your behavior.
Just as you can rewire your brain if, let's say, you rewire your brain and you stay off.
And your biggest thing, the biggest thing causing you to slip was alcohol.

And you start drinking alcohol in moderation.
And you do this for two and a half, three years and you find that, you know what? I'm fine.
So you leave your accountability group, you leave your accountability relationships, you start doing your own thing and you're away from the reboot community.

But then slowly you increase your drinking.
Next thing you know, one day you're drunk, two and a half years later, three years later, you experience a relapse.
You don't have that community around you because there was something you were supposed to reboot in your life which you didn't.

There was a requirement which you didn't take care of.
And again, as this example shows, it can sometimes take a few years for you to fulfill these requirements.
Now, it's been going on 15 years for me since I've been on this journey, and there's still multiple areas that I'm working on and I might be working in these areas for the rest of my life.

Either way, I hope you found this video helpful.
I'd love to hear from you in the comment sections if you have any questions.
Anything to add to this, I would love to hear more from you.
I'll speak to you later on in the week.
Whenever you're ready.

Here are four ways that porn reboot can help you out for free.
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So click on the link in the description below this video.

The third way is if you're not sure where to start but you'd like to learn more about my team and I if you'd like to spend time with like-minded professionals, entrepreneurs, business owners, guys who work in sales, consulting or high-level jobs, men who are controlling their behavior, then join our Free and confidential group, the Porn Reboot Group on Facebook.
There's also a link to join in the description below this video.

And finally, if you need help right now because you have a burning issue, your behavior with pornography is hurting you mentally.
You're about to lose your relationship.
You want to live up to your potential.
You want to be an authentic man and free yourself from shame, guilt, and underachieving.
Click on the link in the description below this video that says free coaching call or visit elevatedrecovery.org and click on the link which says Book a call.