How to speak softly and elegantly: 10 Tips To Make You A Better Speaker | Jamila Musayeva

• Introduction of Jabln Maaia: An international social etiquette consultant and author of etiquette books.
• Focus of the Channel: Topics include etiquette, soft skills, and self-development.
• Voice Journey: Experiences with voice training and the story behind her calming voice.
• Tips for Soft and Elegant Speaking: Breathing techniques, posture, pacing, enunciation, grammar, vocabulary, hydration, self-awareness, and practice.

Hello, I'm Jabln Maaia, an international social etiquette consultant and author of etiquette books, Etiquette the Least you need to Know and Afternoon Tea Etiquette. If you would like to order my books, you can do so directly through my website. I'll link it down below here as well in the description box below.

If you are a new viewer on my channel, welcome! Here I talk about etiquette, soft skills, and self-development. I produce all kinds of educational videos. If you're interested in that, make sure to subscribe and hit the bell button so you get notified every time I upload a new video.

Also, if you're someone interested in etiquette, make sure to join my Patreon Etiquette Movie Club, where every month I publish a new video on a selected movie and do an etiquette review analysis. So far, I’ve analyzed over 20 different kinds of movies. So when you join, you'll be able to view all the movies done so far and the upcoming movies. If you're returning to my channel, I am delighted to see you here. Thank you for coming back.

Today's video is dedicated to something that I've been requested to do the most and also something that I get commented on frequently. The kind messages I receive often highlight the manner of my speech and the tone of my voice. Some people mention that my voice makes them sleepy, saying that it calms them down.

Either way, I've received much praise for my voice and the tone of it. So I decided to make a video that I hope will be helpful to you in becoming a more soft and elegant speaker.

So first things first, I want to tell you a little bit about the story of my voice, in particular how I failed a voice and diction class. I think I've mentioned this in one of my videos on YouTube about how I took a class on voice addiction.

I was the only person in class that failed the voice test, where they would test your voice and make you speak at different volumes. I was the one that wasn't able to raise my voice above a certain point. So I was assigned to work with a voice coach for the entire semester.

We would do different kinds of massage on my vocal cords, different kinds of exercises so I would be more comfortable speaking at a higher volume. The most important thing that I learned is that we are born with a certain vocal structure, just like the structure of our arms and legs, which influences the sound of our voice.

It's essential to understand that we are born with certain capacities in terms of voice and pitch. However, the tone of the voice, the way we speak, and the volume can be adjusted. I won’t promise that everyone will talk exactly like me, as our physiological structures are very different.

What we can work on, however, is other things that influence the way our speech is perceived. The most important element when it comes to speaking softly and elegantly is breathing. Breathing is essential to talking because the voice is produced through air coming out through the vocal cords.

So by vibrations, the air is turned into a sound that we perceive as voice. If you're out of breath, or if you don't have any oxygen, you're not able to make a sound. Try running for some time and then trying to say something. You will see how difficult it is for you to produce a sound.

The more relaxed your breathing is, the more calmly and elegantly you will speak. It's important to practice diaphragmatic breathing. To test if you're using your diaphragm, stand up and place your hand under your last rib on your stomach.

Now inhale. When you inhale, your stomach should expand out. Now exhale. On the exhale, your stomach should be drawn in. If you are using your diaphragm to breathe, you should see your stomach move in and out.

Another exercise to help with your breathing capacity is to exhale completely out of your lungs, then take a deep breath, holding it for 15 seconds before exhaling again. Do this 3-4 times before giving a speech.

The second important element to sounding soft and unstrained is ensuring you sit or stand with a straight posture. I've done a video on how to sit and stand straight, which you can watch on my YouTube channel. You'll see how important it is for your breath to be easy.

When your breath is easy, your speech is easy. Try tensing up, or hunching your back, putting your neck deep inside your shoulders, and see how your voice sounds. Now straighten your posture and talk; notice how much more easily the voice comes out.

Number three: Speak slowly. Practice speaking slowly if you want to become a softer and more elegant speaker. Get comfortable with the pauses and silences in your speech. It doesn't have to be very fast with too many words all at once; no one will listen to you if your words become overwhelming.

There’s a difference between speaking slowly and speaking in a monotonous way. Monotone means the same tone throughout your speech, without variations or inflections. Speaking slowly means you can control the rate of your speech.

People who speak slowly are often perceived as more confident and knowledgeable because getting comfortable with silence takes practice. When you speak quickly, the pitch of your voice tends to get higher, which is often considered childish.

When you speak slowly, you can lower the pitch of your voice. This is also true for the volume; if you speak more slowly, you can control the volume better.

Tip number four is enunciating words. Enunciation means stressing or emphasizing certain words. This can change the essence of the message you’re conveying.

For example, saying "I love you" with emphasis on different parts changes the meaning entirely. The best way to learn to enunciate is by practicing tongue twisters, like “red leather, yellow leather” or “Sally sells seashells by the seashore”.

In one of my favorite movies, My Fair Lady, the character transforms from a lower-class woman to a high-class lady, emphasizing the importance of enunciating words. I have done an etiquette review on this film in my Patreon Etiquette Movie Club, so make sure to join and watch it.

Tip number five: Use proper grammar. Nothing undermines well-mannered speech like using improper grammar, slang, or abbreviation. We often get used to shortening words in our daily communication, so it’s essential to make an effort to use full words and proper grammar in speech.

Number six: Expand your vocabulary. A good sophisticated vocabulary conveys elegance and refinement in speech. The best way to expand is by reading books, especially classic literature and poetry, which are rich in adjectives and verbs.

The more synonyms you learn, the better your speech will be. For example, instead of saying, “This flower is beautiful”, try using: “This flower is pretty”, “gorgeous”, “alluring”, or “magnificent”.

Tip number seven: Practice whispering. This is different from being a whisperer. Practicing whispering helps those who typically speak loudly to get comfortable with a lower volume.

If you’re at home, play a game with a partner where you have to whisper but ensure they can hear you. Interestingly, I had to practice speaking loudly for the opposite reason; this way, I projected my voice effectively.

Tip number eight: Drinking water. Hydrating your vocal cords is essential for anyone who wants a soft, calm voice. That's why you’ll often see speakers, even presidents, with a glass of water when giving speeches.

I personally like drinking coffee, but I always prepare with tea or water when shooting videos. Hydrated vocal cords allow air to pass through better, making your voice sound softer.

Also, to help loosen your vocal cords before a speech, you can hum, yawn dramatically, or move your jaw to relax. Use your fingers to massage your vocal cords as well.

Next, ensure you record yourself speaking. With the ease of technology today, you can easily check your progress. Recorded sessions allow you to analyze areas of improvement yourself.

Being a student of international relations required doing many public speeches, and seeing those recordings helped identify speaking habits that needed adjustments. You are your best teacher, and becoming self-aware of your speaking habits is crucial.

Once you've increased your self-awareness, you'll start working on yourself, which includes self-discipline. Identify what aspects of your speech need improvement—volume, rate, grammar, vocabulary, or perhaps your breath control when nervous.

With time and effort, your speaking manner will naturally evolve without you realizing it. Finally, like any skill in life, the most important element is practice. The more you work on speaking softly and elegantly, the better you will become.

Thank you so much for watching this video until the very end. I hope it was helpful in learning to become a more elegant and softer speaker. Please let me know what tips you've already used or new ones you have! If you have suggestions for new videos, feel free to share. Thank you, and I'll see you in my next video. Bye!